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+---- Thread: You can never have enough... (/showthread.php?tid=523)
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RE: You can never have enough... - Roma - 29-05-2023
https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/132115849/no-funeral-director-no-embalming-build-a-coffin-ways-kiwis-are-cutting-the-cost-of-dying
Is this the article Lilith? I also read it with interest!
RE: You can never have enough... - popeye333 - 29-05-2023
Transporting the coffin , is one of the bigger costs of a funeral so it makes sense to DIY. Its why in our lot there has been more instant cremations, thus no embalming and transport problems.
Its how MrP and I have planned things. But also no funeral. Ill scatter his ashes to the sea. If I go first well Im blowed if I know what he would do for me... So Long as he doesn't take me on Trips like his father did with his Mother.
Much to MrP's disgust when the undertaker brought Mums ashes back she told him he would need a coffin made for him due to his size.
Geeze I wish I could see that women now, we could both be "Off the Rack" sizes now lol
So many people dont talk about death, dying and making plans and it just makes it harder for those having to deal with it.
But I can proudly say my Proudest moment was organising my Stepfathers funeral.. and doing the catering for one of my Stepfathers friends wife's funeral. He was Māori, She wasn't. And he didn't want his family taking over. Unusual I know. So we planned what he wanted, , they had the service with Mavis at home, went to the cemetery, which I went to and saw how he was pushed out. Then I went back to do the food. He said it was perfect and he knew he could trust me and knew that no one would push me around.
Its horrible when family politics messes up a time that should be special.
I remember when my Thai friends Dutch husband died. I had to go and tell them its Not a done thing to take photos with the dead person. It might be in Thailand, but not here and his brother was getting very annoyed by it. She threw me in the deep end and wanted me to speak, without any notice. Thankfully sometimes I quite enjoy speaking in public. Im sure Jakob was watching over me.
Do talk about it, Do make plans, Make living plans and make sure they know if you are a donor. And what you want. After all its your funeral
RE: You can never have enough... - Lilith7 - 29-05-2023
(29-05-2023, 03:40 PM)kiwimade64 Wrote: lol Lilith, oh to be a fly on the wall when he reads your emailMy sister-in-law had a do-it-yourself funeral and it worked well. MrK put the coffin together, his niece is an artist and painted the most gorgeous tui and NZ bush on it. It was almost a shame to burn it!
Well - he's just come back with a reply - $600 for a kitset plywood coffin!
Thrifty lad, sweetie darling no.2. I really object to the prices being charged by funeral directors & intend to have an unfuneral with no service as such just - family get together, & grandkids have been saving up their (highly exaggerated) stories to tell about their saintly gran, before they scatter my ashes to the four winds.
(29-05-2023, 04:20 PM)Roma Wrote: https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/132115849/no-funeral-director-no-embalming-build-a-coffin-ways-kiwis-are-cutting-the-cost-of-dying
Is this the article Lilith? I also read it with interest!
Yes, that's it Roma.
(29-05-2023, 04:27 PM)popeye333 Wrote: Transporting the coffin , is one of the bigger costs of a funeral so it makes sense to DIY. Its why in our lot there has been more instant cremations, thus no embalming and transport problems.
Its how MrP and I have planned things. But also no funeral. Ill scatter his ashes to the sea. If I go first well Im blowed if I know what he would do for me... So Long as he doesn't take me on Trips like his father did with his Mother.
Much to MrP's disgust when the undertaker brought Mums ashes back she told him he would need a coffin made for him due to his size.
Geeze I wish I could see that women now, we could both be "Off the Rack" sizes now lol
So many people dont talk about death, dying and making plans and it just makes it harder for those having to deal with it.
But I can proudly say my Proudest moment was organising my Stepfathers funeral.. and doing the catering for one of my Stepfathers friends wife's funeral. He was Māori, She wasn't. And he didn't want his family taking over. Unusual I know. So we planned what he wanted, , they had the service with Mavis at home, went to the cemetery, which I went to and saw how he was pushed out. Then I went back to do the food. He said it was perfect and he knew he could trust me and knew that no one would push me around.
Its horrible when family politics messes up a time that should be special.
I remember when my Thai friends Dutch husband died. I had to go and tell them its Not a done thing to take photos with the dead person. It might be in Thailand, but not here and his brother was getting very annoyed by it. She threw me in the deep end and wanted me to speak, without any notice. Thankfully sometimes I quite enjoy speaking in public. Im sure Jakob was watching over me.
Do talk about it, Do make plans, Make living plans and make sure they know if you are a donor. And what you want. After all its your funeral
Absolutely agree Popeye - that lot know what I want & I've told them that I have every intention of coming back to haunt them, if they don't follow instructions.
RE: You can never have enough... - Oh_hunnihunni - 29-05-2023
That said, when I recently had to do the funeral bit for my friend the funeral directors were absolutely wonderful. I explained she was poor, and the estate pretty much insolvent, and that I would apply for the WINZ grant but couldn't guarantee their account would be covered. They redid their account for me, dropping it back a thousand dollars, and offered to still fulfil the requirements for what ever I could come up with. And they did.
For those of us without family, businesses can be extremely kind about things like this. So maybe what they make on the better off lets them give some of us a very good deal.
I now recommend this business every chance I get. And they're getting my business, with my funeral insurance cover. Something everyone should think about getting, in my opinion...
(29-05-2023, 04:27 PM)popeye333 Wrote: Transporting the coffin , is one of the bigger costs of a funeral so it makes sense to DIY. Its why in our lot there has been more instant cremations, thus no embalming and transport problems.Be careful with ashes. It is seriously offensive for many cultures to put human remains in food gathering places - like the sea, or lakes (sorry my darling no trout reincarnation for you!!) not to mention illegal, so it pays to check out the rules with local authorities. I know councils have all sorts of rules, based on experience (rose gardens for instance have been seriously compromised by over use...) and checking in advance can save hassles in the future.
Its how MrP and I have planned things. But also no funeral. Ill scatter his ashes to the sea. If I go first well Im blowed if I know what he would do for me... So Long as he doesn't take me on Trips like his father did with his Mother.
Much to MrP's disgust when the undertaker brought Mums ashes back she told him he would need a coffin made for him due to his size.
Geeze I wish I could see that women now, we could both be "Off the Rack" sizes now lol
So many people dont talk about death, dying and making plans and it just makes it harder for those having to deal with it.
But I can proudly say my Proudest moment was organising my Stepfathers funeral.. and doing the catering for one of my Stepfathers friends wife's funeral. He was Māori, She wasn't. And he didn't want his family taking over. Unusual I know. So we planned what he wanted, , they had the service with Mavis at home, went to the cemetery, which I went to and saw how he was pushed out. Then I went back to do the food. He said it was perfect and he knew he could trust me and knew that no one would push me around.
Its horrible when family politics messes up a time that should be special.
I remember when my Thai friends Dutch husband died. I had to go and tell them its Not a done thing to take photos with the dead person. It might be in Thailand, but not here and his brother was getting very annoyed by it. She threw me in the deep end and wanted me to speak, without any notice. Thankfully sometimes I quite enjoy speaking in public. Im sure Jakob was watching over me.
Do talk about it, Do make plans, Make living plans and make sure they know if you are a donor. And what you want. After all its your funeral
Something funeral directors know all about.
RE: You can never have enough... - harm_less - 29-05-2023
On the subject of coffins and funerals my elderly Dutch uncle who dies a couple of years back was buried in a plywood 'eco coffin'. His great grandchildren spent the funeral service with coloured felt tip pens decorating the coffin with their messages and drawings which lightening the proceedings well for them.
The kids, and others, also got to throw oddfellow mints into the grave for Opa as he was renowned for offering one to any visitors. He would have been well pleased with the send off that was arranged for him, and I suspect he may have had a bottle or two of single malt in the coffin with him.
RE: You can never have enough... - JanW - 29-05-2023
I want to go direct from deathbed wherever that might be to crematorium- I have told my kids I want none of that drama stuff at a funeral home or chapel and if they dare to I will come back and haunt them - they have orders to have a BBQ at a remote beach where we used to camp - it will involve a fair bit of walking lugging chilly bins and a BBQ .We had a funeral for the old boy but it was Neil Diamond and Dave Dobbyn etc no hymns etc - we found a really good celebrant - my kids and grandkids were funny but sad - a couple of blokes who had worked for him had the people in stitches - the witch from the North told me it was more like a wedding reception than a funeral
Not sure if I have told the story of the evening of his funeral - the grown ups were all up in the top lounge - three of my grandkids were downstairs - 16 year old was using my iPad - an email came through from the funeral place that the funeral video had been uplifted - she asked if they could watch it - my Dad had given me a beautiful grandfather clock that didn’t chime - my husband had spent hours and hours trying to get it going and threatened many times after he failed again to take it to the dump he just wouldnt admit defeat and let me take it to get it fixed -my granddaughter was sending the video to the TV and the clock struck- she looked at me absolutely startled - I don’t believe in anything I can’t touch or feel - but it struck - she started the video - it struck again when the grandkids went up to speak on the video - then struck again as his coffin was carried out - it has never struck again
RE: You can never have enough... - popeye333 - 30-05-2023
Morning everyone.
Wet here again.
Yes I know full well about the "rules' about scattering ashes. But it will be done discretely and well away from fishing grounds and water that is used for gardens etc.
When My stepfather died his side of the family enquired about taking his ashes up to Mount Te Aroha and scattering them there. But they rang to see if a bus could go up with everyone. And was told no it wasn't allowed.. It probably could have been done, without the bus and no one would be any the wiser. And Im sure its done more often than anyone knows.
The Hospital rang at 12-20am, MrP was still grumpy. And still waiting for his endoscopy. I told them about his Extreme lack of patience. And they spoke about his having a bleeding vein in his throat in the past. I said that's news to me. Anyway I rang back and asked had he been given any pain meds. Which he hadn't, so no wonder he was sore and grumpy. Cos what he had taken at breakfast time wouldn't have had time to get into his system before he threw up.
I just rang them now to tell them about putting a note on his files. That unless they wanted an even grumpier man they shouldn't tell him Yes he can go home after this. Cos this is not his home. But to be honest I dont think the guy even listened. Ill will keep telling them until they all know.
I may venture out today, but most likely it wont happen until tomorrow, My knee is narly today. I didn't get any crochet done yesterday cos after having my shoulder examined it too ended up narly. So Maybe today.
I can see a change in the colour of the grass where I sprayed. I used to hate seeing yellow lines around paths etc.. but it certainly makes my job easier.
Have a fab day everyone
RE: You can never have enough... - kiwimade64 - 30-05-2023
morning ladies
Fog, fog and more fog this morning.I love your story about your husband's funeral, Jan. The clock striking is strange, but I do believe in that kind of stuff. And who cares if the duneral felt like a wedding
We see funerals as a celebration of a life well lived and loved.That $600 coffin sounds like the one my sister-in-law ordered from a guy in Putaruru, Lilith
It was pretty straight forward for put together. Just make sure they use a sealant or you could be leaking out the sides Our funerals have already been discussed, the kids know where the family documents etc are and what we would like. They know we are organ donors. MrK is compiling a list (a LONG list lol) of songs he wants played at his party. And we have instructions no black is to be worn.
This morning the leaf rake needs to be dug out of the shed and the leaves raked up. The bin man has been, thank goodness. There was a dead magpie half eaten by a rat across the road, so I scooped it up with the spade and binned it. Pretty gross to clean that one up but at least it's not encouraging more rats. When you see what damage the rat did to the magpie, you only have to imagine it's our native birds. It was nasty and the birds don't stand a chance. It reinforces why we are very happy to be trapping and baiting.
Yesterday I stitched the thrush's head a bit more. I'll tweak the beak today as it needs a bit more curviness to it. Overall, I'm happy with it. I must be, there has been very little swearing
happy crafting
RE: You can never have enough... - Oh_hunnihunni - 30-05-2023
I remember seeing a doco, Attenborough maybe, that did a speeded up bit on the death of a sparrow in response to the question about where are all the birds that die? Since then I have watched the same progress of discarded prey from one of our local teenaged cats and it is just amazing how fast the little body gets withdrawn from the world and recycled.
Made me understand why some cultures developed sky burials. Mother Nature sure does a good job. It's just a huge pity there are too many of us making her work on that front an impossible task. She would have no time left to take care of the sparrows.
RE: You can never have enough... - Mica - 30-05-2023
Morning all,
Damp and breezy here
Had a wee lie in this morning, since breakfast have sorted laundry, general tidy up. Will be off soon to pick up friend so that we can go get coffee and cream donut at gluten free cafe. Hips don't need it it but my soul will appreciate it
Went to star new Jersey for GD 1 but only have 5 balls merino and need at least 6. Will have to rethink possibly a stripped jersey or a vest with a zebra head are currently in the running.
Enjoy tour day
RE: You can never have enough... - JanW - 30-05-2023
What I really wanted was an Indian funeral - fancied myself sailing off into the distance fully alight out into Hawke Bay - but my sons ruled that out - actually thinking about it the old boy was around when that wish was scuppered
RE: You can never have enough... - Lilith7 - 30-05-2023
I'm a klutz KM. so will get one of the sweetie darlings to put it together - I can imagine the utter mess I'd make of it! And if the grandkids want to they can decorate it.
I also have a list of music they can play instead of those dreary hymns - should be interesting as that lot claim I've got 'weird taste' in music.
RE: You can never have enough... - Oh_hunnihunni - 30-05-2023
Just give me to a tree. Preferably not one likely to be slaughtered in the near future...
RE: You can never have enough... - Roma - 30-05-2023
Nice day now that the (rare for us) fog has lifted. It is so mild, makes us wonder when winter will arrive.
Just back from brunch out with family .... cafes with attached gardens are the best, especially as it was nice enough to sit outside and have a wander around afterwards, making sure to avoid plants and pots with the pushchair
Thank goodness funerals have evolved to "anything goes" nowadays. Swift removal/cremation followed by a happy family occasion/memorial when convenient for all suits us just fine. Hadn't thought about the music ... will leave that to the 'organisers' lol! My dad's ashes were scattered out at sea ... yet to decide on where for my mum's
My mum had written a memory letter on her life events/dates some years ago which was so helpful/poignant to refer to ... something I intend to do for myself!Baby cardi to sew up and finally start on nearly 4 yo GD's. I will enjoy the change to 8 ply.
Time to get things done while baby asleep and mum gone out for some errands.
Enjoy the day.
RE: You can never have enough... - popeye333 - 30-05-2023
Finally spoke to MrP
He's hungry lol.. which doesn't surprise me since he brought up yesterdays breakfast and hasn't had anything since. But I told him it was good in a way, it meant they could do the gastroscopy sooner. Which is done but the results weren't back.
He's had pills and hopefully they will find him some food before they move him to the gastro ward. He said he is looking forward to going back to the home, which is a hospital really. Franklin Memorial Hospital. but we call it the home.
We dont have to think about music. Or anything like that. We haven't wanted funerals since around when we got married actually so 32 yrs this year. I will say tho having a service with ashes rather than a coffin is sooo much less stressful. We only had the service for mum, for her Siblings sake. She didnt want anything either.
RE: You can never have enough... - kiwimade64 - 31-05-2023
morning ladies from a very bleak, foggy, Waikato
Hopefully MrP's tests went well, popeye.
My sister-in-law also wrote about her life before she passed away. She had an amazing life and did things that a lot of us didn't even know about. It's a worthwhile thing to do
I suspect it's going to be another indoor day, well, at least morning. It could be a good time to do some sewing or work a bit more on the thrush. Yesterday I did the ironing which felt like an accomplishment lol.
Happy crafting
RE: You can never have enough... - popeye333 - 31-05-2023
Morning everyone
Its been raining but the temp has dropped again.
Found MrP last night, he's in a ward now. But wasn't feeling well so it was a quick call. He had eaten but was throwing up again. He said he has had enough, he doesn't like being old anymore.. but what did surprise me is he said He wants to go back to the home and hopes it wont be long. I assume results will be in today.
Bloods for me this morning and a couple of things from the supermarket. Theres a one day sale tomorrow so that May change where I shop tomorrow. Never before have I rationed potatoes. We used to buy sacks full. Now I just want a couple to make a potato bake. I dont want to buy too many for them to go off before I use them.
Will work on the blanket again later. 13 rounds done. The short ones of course but that's nearly a quarter. Im propping my shoulder up and that helps.
Dr did say if its a tear he will give me a steroid shot. I said I hope it lasts longer than the ones in the knee, which only last 17 days. That surprised him. Apparently they can last for months.
Its lovely to watch the birds being back again. Missy doesn't tend to rush to the ranch slider. but sits on my knee and watches like I do.
Have a fab day everyone
RE: You can never have enough... - Roma - 31-05-2023
Good morning.
Looking good outside with the sun shining. Washing may able to actually be hung on the line!
It will be good for Mr P to be back in his now familiar place Popeye. Good for you to be back into crocheting.
Baby cardi fronts have been unravelled to the neck shaping ... something went wrong in at least one of them so they will be knitted together to keep them even this time!
Son in Wellington working, partner and baby plus dog going to her mum's so the house will be mine for the next 24 hours. Maybe the ground will be dry enough to get in the garden later.
Time to get washing out and another lot on.
Enjoy the day all.
RE: You can never have enough... - Oh_hunnihunni - 31-05-2023
Wednesday!! I look forward to speaking to people in person for the first time since Friday, lol. Just as well I have a cat or I might forget how to make words...
RE: You can never have enough... - Mica - 31-05-2023
Morning all
Lovely day here.
Been to gym, had breakfast and shower now waiting for DH and k9s to return from their walk..
No plans for today will see what evolves.
I had lovely coffee and chat with friend yesterday but the cafe had run out of cream donuts we decided to phone and reserve a couple next time we go
.Enjoy you day