You can never have enough...

[Lilith7]

Some folk should never be parents. There should be a one strike and you are out law with child abuse, but then I remember a friend years ago, who was falsely accused of child abuse by his wife as part of the divorce proceedings. He told us he couldn't prove her wrong, even if the kids stood up for him he was ruined and destroyed by the smearing. He killed himself.

One of my daughters friends used to show up at our place every chance she got, and stay. I never cottoned on till much much later, when after we left to come back to Auckland we heard she had hung herslf in the family garage, leaving a note laying out the details of the long history of family sexual abuse she had endured. She was such a beautiful young woman, and I felt such guilt at never realising how wrong her life was, how hurt she was. How safe she felt in our all female family home.

We do not know the stories behind the faces we meet, the conversations we have. It pays to be kind, it might just be that little thing that helps someone else survive unspoken horrors.

I'd take it further, & teach at least the basics of parenting in high schools. And I'm also in favour of Celia Lashlie's method of getting in with the mother & giving her the help & support to be a good parent, which seems to work really well.

Its hard to be a good parent if you've never had it modellled to you by your own parents.


Years ago my kids had a friend who was close to two of them & often stayed at ours for a meal or sometimes overnight. As they all grew up they lost touch to some extent, but one day he turned up on my doorstep. He'd been living in Oz, had a wife & kids & was just back for a visit. 

I was honestly astounded when he gave me a small gift & thanked me for letting him spend time with us as he was growing up. At the time, I had no idea that it meant so much to him, to me it was just normal, the same thing some of their other mates also did sometimes but it was obviously signifcant for him. Sometimes we just don't know  the reality for others & the effect we have on them.