You can never have enough...

[Oh_hunnihunni]

morning ladies   Suns out so that's promising.

That's great news, popeye.  Not long to wait now.

MrK had good news too.  He has his oncology appointment next Tuesday. We will be able to make informed decisions soon.

But on the bad news front, we have decided to have the Furry One put to sleep.  He is anxious and missing MrK and there is no way I will be able to afford the nearly $100 a month for his epilepsy meds.  I didn't think my heart could break any more and I feel like a complete bi*** for doing this. MrK is also devastated but we both agree this is for the best.  He is almost 15 and has had a great life chasing rabbits and digging holes.  So, one more car ride this morning for him.  Please don't judge, it's hard enough to cope with everything without this in the mix.

In the days after I lost my husband I had to come to terms with a lot of stuff, including the fact that winter was approaching and the house had big holes in the walls where he had been replacing structural stuff. At first I failed to notice one of our cats had picked up on my grief and was breaking down but then the signs became unmistakeable. He was attacking strangers, spraying everywhere, howling when locked away, and would not be comforted. I had no choice, our wonderful vet came up to the house and as the cat lay in my arms he went to sleep and never woke up. And it was unbelievably hard, I felt so guilty, but really, his misery was over, and I had one less thing to deal with. It was among the earliest of the impossible decisions that got made, and funny thing, I have had a lot of cats over the years and I remember all their names. But my mind has filed that little grey cat's name away in a box somewhere and hidden it from me.

He was such a treasure though, just not meant to be old bones. Nowadays I can remember him with love, and understand just how much strength we women have when we need it. It may be buried deep, but it is there, and we can do all this stuff, as impossible as it seems at the time. Hang in there km, you are are doing fine, and love to Mr KM, being helpless is almost as difficult when life gets to the uphill bits...