02-01-2022, 06:31 PM
Mrs. Rosentein is walking her poodle down 5th Avenue, when she ran into her good friend Gladys Goldberg
Long
"Gladys! It's been so long since I've last seen you, where have you been?"
"Oh, Blanche, Ira and I went on safari in Africa, and let me tell you, it was horrible!"
"Horrible? How was it horrible?"
"Well, first, Ira lost our tickets, so we had to fly coach all the way from New York to Africa! You know how I hate to fly, and to be stuck in those tiny seats, next to screaming babies the whole way!"
"Oh, that's awful!"
"But it gets worse! After we arrive at the airport, they pick us up in an old jeep that's falling apart, and it totally ruins my hair and makeup! I had a beautiful little safari outfit ready, but it was ruined!"
"Oh that's terrible!"
"Believe me, It get's worse! When we get to the safari camp, there's no cabins available, and we're expected to erect our own tents. After some fussing about, we finally get the tent erected, but Ira forgot the mosquito netting, so we got positively eaten alive by gigantic Nile mosquitos!"
"I can't even! That's terrifying!"
"But it get's worse! The next morning, we wake up, and eat a terrible breakfast of cold eggs and beans, then head off for our first day of the tour. We no sooner get into the darkest part of the jungle when the driver hits a rock and breaks the axle on his jeep, leaving us stranded!"
"Oh my goodness!"
"Oh, but it gets worse! Ira, being the bullheaded bastard he is, sets off back toward the camp, dragging me along, because I was not going to be left alone with a group of strangers. No sooner do we get a mile down the path when we're set upon by a tribe a of huge, horrible apes! Ira tries to defend me, but he's killed instantly!"
"You lost your dear Ira! This is the worst story I've ever heard!"
"Believe it or not, it gets worse! You see, the biggest ape took me into his personal harem, and he then began a months long campaign of ravaging me on a daily basis. He turned me into his literal sex slave, until he was through with me, and sent me back into civilization, naked and battered."
"Oh God! I can't imagine anything worse!"
"But it gets worse..." she said barely audible above the deep sobs which wracked her body.
"How could it possibly be worse than that?"
"He doesn't write! He doesn't call!"
Long
"Gladys! It's been so long since I've last seen you, where have you been?"
"Oh, Blanche, Ira and I went on safari in Africa, and let me tell you, it was horrible!"
"Horrible? How was it horrible?"
"Well, first, Ira lost our tickets, so we had to fly coach all the way from New York to Africa! You know how I hate to fly, and to be stuck in those tiny seats, next to screaming babies the whole way!"
"Oh, that's awful!"
"But it gets worse! After we arrive at the airport, they pick us up in an old jeep that's falling apart, and it totally ruins my hair and makeup! I had a beautiful little safari outfit ready, but it was ruined!"
"Oh that's terrible!"
"Believe me, It get's worse! When we get to the safari camp, there's no cabins available, and we're expected to erect our own tents. After some fussing about, we finally get the tent erected, but Ira forgot the mosquito netting, so we got positively eaten alive by gigantic Nile mosquitos!"
"I can't even! That's terrifying!"
"But it get's worse! The next morning, we wake up, and eat a terrible breakfast of cold eggs and beans, then head off for our first day of the tour. We no sooner get into the darkest part of the jungle when the driver hits a rock and breaks the axle on his jeep, leaving us stranded!"
"Oh my goodness!"
"Oh, but it gets worse! Ira, being the bullheaded bastard he is, sets off back toward the camp, dragging me along, because I was not going to be left alone with a group of strangers. No sooner do we get a mile down the path when we're set upon by a tribe a of huge, horrible apes! Ira tries to defend me, but he's killed instantly!"
"You lost your dear Ira! This is the worst story I've ever heard!"
"Believe it or not, it gets worse! You see, the biggest ape took me into his personal harem, and he then began a months long campaign of ravaging me on a daily basis. He turned me into his literal sex slave, until he was through with me, and sent me back into civilization, naked and battered."
"Oh God! I can't imagine anything worse!"
"But it gets worse..." she said barely audible above the deep sobs which wracked her body.
"How could it possibly be worse than that?"
"He doesn't write! He doesn't call!"
Be the kind of woman, that when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil goes "oh crap, she's up".