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Mothers of stolen babies want 'apology before we die'
#1
Most of our generation will have known women forced to give up their babies because they were unmarried. And it wasn't only here but in most UK countries & Oz.



https://www.stuff.co.nz/nz-news/35018159...ogy-we-die


"National Women’s Hospital, Auckland, March 1972.
Unmarried 27-year-old Barbara Docherty gives birth to a healthy 9lb 9oz (4.3 kg) baby boy she names Jason. As the nurse takes him away, Barbara glimpses the top of his head, his dark hair. She asks the nurse to hand him to her: the nurse refuses.
That night, with only a few staff on duty, Barbara makes her way to the nursery, planning to pick up her son, feed him, see the colour of his eyes, his skin. Anything.
Again, a nurse refuses. “You’ve given him up for adoption.”


And in the section marked “Reasons for desiring adoption,” in bold capitals, “NO DESIRE.
That’s because, as Barbara Docherty explains, there was never any such conversation. When the social worker briefly visited, contractions had already begun. “We didn’t discuss adoption at any point. I wanted to take my baby home.”
No matter. The report (contradictorily) records, “wants baby to have benefits of [indecipherable] home with two parents”.

Barbara Docherty is given pills — vitamins, she’s told — and discharged the next day, sent home with more pills to take.


Jason goes to his new family, with a new birth certificate and a new name.
Barbara doesn’t even get to say goodbye.

New Zealand wasn’t alone in this cruel practice: From the late 1940s until the early 1970s forced adoptions were widespread here and overseas.
Nobody knows the numbers affected in Aotearoa; there is no official record nor count.

But judging by figures in other countries, Barbara Docherty estimates as many as 100,000 families were impacted here: children stolen from their mothers under a state-knows-best policy that assumed they would be better off in the homes of married couples unable to conceive.


Elsewhere, governments have investigated and delivered apologies acknowledging how wrong it was.
“You know the sorrow and suffering of forced adoption,” then-Prime Minister Julia Gillard told affected Australian families in 2013, after an inquiry had found as many as 250,000 mothers had their babies taken.
“You were forced to endure the coercion and brutality of practices that were unethical, dishonest and in many cases illegal.”

In 2023, Wales and Scotland also apologised.

But international pressure for a separate, related inquiry remains: Those pills Barbara and other unmarried mothers were prescribed the world over were not vitamins at all.
It was DES (diethylstilboestrol, known as stilboestrol in New Zealand), a synthetic oestrogen given to birth mothers to suppress their lactation — dry up their milk — when their babies were snatched away.
In the decades since, DES has been linked to cancers and life-changing conditions not only in the mothers, but their children too: breast and vaginal cancers, gynaecological abnormalities and infertility for three generations, so far.
For New Zealand women given DES without consent, the issue is complicated by secrecy: birth mothers’ medical records “disappeared,” so they struggle to prove they were prescribed stilboestrol.There has been no systematic effort to establish exposure levels.

Complicit in the cruel forced adoptions experiment were not just the government and churches, but also the medical and nursing professions,” says Barbara Docherty (herself a nurse who went on to have a long career in the health profession).


In 1996, the Commerce Committee (considering an Adoption Amendment Bill) strongly recommended an urgent inquiry be undertaken into practices over the previous 50 years. None happened.

In 2016, Maggie Wilkinson, whose daughter was taken from her against her will in 1964, petitioned Parliament for an inquiry. None happened.

Instead, the ultimate invalidation of an historical human rights violation: “Although we do not agree with many adoption practices from the 1950s to the 1980s, we note that these practices reflected the social values and attitudes of the time.”
in order to be old & wise, you must first be young & stupid. (I'm still working on that.)
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#2
Each side of my Irish families treated them differently. On my fathers side they were taken into the family, brought up with uncles and aunts as brothers and sisters. When my Grandfather's eldest sister was leaving home, she wanted to take her daughter with her - but her father said ''I brought her up as my own, so she is mine, she stays here.''

On my mother's side they were taken away. One of her sisters had a baby in hospital at the same time as her mother was there dying of cancer. When the younger girls went off to school one morning (Nuns !) their father said ''Say goodbye to the baby, because he won't be here when you come home.'' With the 2nd child she was told he died just after he was born. That child didn't know he was adopted until he was 59...and it's been good getting to know him.

My mother used to write to her sisters at the kitchen table all the time, they lived in places like Taumarunui, Te Awamutu, and Tokanui, which I just thought was a small town. She died at Tokanui, before her son found her.

So yes, an apology would be a small gesture.
In and out of jobs, running free
Waging war with society
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#3
Attitudes on society were radically different then, not necessarily for the better either.
Many mothers, particularly teenage pregnancies were essentially forced to give up their kids for adoption, the psychological harm for the mothers was just as bad as the kids in many cases.
Unapologetic NZ first voter, white cis male, climate change skeptic.
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#4
I know a couple of people who were adopted in the forties and fifties. Neither by force though. I also know what it was like to be part of the adopting process in the seventies and eighties.

There is psychological hurt on both sides. I hope we do things better today, but I also know that families can be the most dysfunctional unit in human society. And probably always will be.
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#5
(05-03-2024, 09:30 PM)Zurdo Wrote: Each side of my Irish families treated them differently. On my fathers side they were taken into the family, brought up with uncles and aunts as brothers and sisters. When my Grandfather's eldest sister was leaving home, she wanted to take her daughter with her - but her father said ''I brought her up as my own, so she is mine, she stays here.''

On my mother's side they were taken away. One of her sisters had a baby in hospital at the same time as her mother was there dying of cancer. When the younger girls went off to school one morning (Nuns !) their father said ''Say goodbye to the baby, because he won't be here when you come home.''  With the 2nd child she was told he died just after he was born. That child didn't know he was adopted until he was 59...and it's been good getting to know him.

My mother used to write to her sisters at the kitchen table all the time, they lived in places like Taumarunui, Te Awamutu, and Tokanui, which I just thought was a small town. She died at Tokanui, before her son found her.

So yes, an apology would be a small gesture.

It would - & an apology really doesn't seem a lot to ask considering the damage done to the women & children. I hope we've all learned better & things like this can never happen again, anywhere in the world.

There was an interesting movie about a woman looking for her son, Philomena, starring Judi Dench & based on a true story.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philomena_...find%20him.



https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022...ablishment



https://www.lemonde.fr/en/m-le-mag/artic...ns%20until
in order to be old & wise, you must first be young & stupid. (I'm still working on that.)
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#6
An apology never ever put the spilt milk back into the jug. None of those responsible for these horrors are around now, an apology makes no sense. What would make sense is to provide anyone who suffered with the support that would make their lives better.

I wonder if anyone has asked them what would do that?

I guess someone would have to actually care in order to ask. And the awful truth is, no one really does.
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#7
(06-03-2024, 05:56 PM)Oh_hunnihunni Wrote: An apology never ever put the spilt milk back into the jug. None of those responsible for these horrors are around now, an apology makes no sense. What would make sense is to provide anyone who suffered with the support that would make their lives better.

I wonder if anyone has asked them what would do that?

I guess someone would have to actually care in order to ask. And the awful truth is, no one really does.

Nothing can,surely. But it would do no harm to apologise on behalf of past officials to at the very least, acknowledge the harm done to those women & their children by the societal norms of those times.
in order to be old & wise, you must first be young & stupid. (I'm still working on that.)
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#8
Do no harm, except it would be meaningless. Like the apologies to all the other victims of casual cruelty in our past, our present, and our future. We exploit, enslave, defraud, murder, torture, poison, ignore, starve and imprison, and someone apologises eventually. But it doesn't stop. And the apology doesn't make it all better.

We just pretend it does. And it's cheaper than doing something real.
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