(17-02-2022, 06:47 PM)king1 Wrote: Might be inappropriate on this board but I just had to post it... \
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Diary of a Pom in Western Australia
August 31
Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK to our new home in Karratha, Western Australia. Now this is a town that knows how to live! Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I’ve finally found my new home. I love it here.
September 13
Really heating up now. It got to 31 today. No problem though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I’m turning into a sun-worshipper – no blasted rain like back in Leeds!!
September 30
Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me! Another scorcher today, but I love it here. It’s Paradise!
October 10
The temperature hasn’t been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it’s windy though. Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatizing is taking longer than we expected.
Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed three days off work. What a dumb thing to do. Got to respect the old sun in a climate like this!
October 20
Didn’t notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the car after work, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck to the upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat shit. I’ve learned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.
October 25th
This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant fu*king blow dryer. And it’s hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs to order parts from fu*king Perth ….The wife & the kids are complaining.
October 30
The temperature’s up around 40 and the parts still haven’t arrived for the fu*king air conditioner. House is an oven so we’ve all been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we can’t even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?
November 4
Finally got the fu*king air-conditioner fixed. It cost $1,500 and gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it feel about 35. Stupid repairman. Fu*king thief.
November 8
If one more smart bastard says ‘Hot enough for you today?’ I’m going to fu*king throttle him. Fu*king heat! By the time I get to work, the car radiator is boiling over, my fu*king clothes are soaking fu*king wet and I smell like baked cat. F*cking place is the end of the Earth.
November 9
Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the black leather upholstery in my car. I thought my fu*king arse was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and off my fu*king arse. Now the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat. Fu*k. Fu*k. Fu*k.
November 10
The Weather report might as well be a ƒü*king recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and ƒü*king sunny. It never ƒü*king changes! It’s been too hot to do anything for 2 ƒü*king months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Ƒü*k !
November 15
Doesn’t it ever rain in this damn fu*king place? Water restrictions will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the fu*king pool. The only things that thrive in this fucking hell-hole are the fu*king flies. You don’t dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the little bastards!
November 20
Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 fu*kin’ degrees today. Now the air conditioner’s gone in my car. The repair man came to fix it and said, ‘Hot enough for you today?’ I wanted to shove the fu*king car up his fu*king arse. Anyway, had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid prick. Fu*king Karratha! What kind of sick, demented fu*king idiot would want to live here!
WHAT!!!! The FIRST day of Summer!!!! You are fu*king kidding me!
**
Dead politicians
A large jet plane carrying several politicians from both main political parties crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Australia.
Panic-stricken, the local police mobilised and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.
The officer and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer ploughing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man’s tractor.
“Harry,” the officer yelled, panting and out of breath. “Did you see this terrible accident happen?”
“Yep. Sure did,” the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor’s engine.
“Were there any survivors?”
“Nope. They’re all killed straight out,” the farmer answered. “I buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning.”
“They’re all dead?” the officer asked.
“Well,” the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor. “They kept saying they weren’t…
“But you know how those mongrel bastards lie.”
Terrible, eh?
in order to be old & wise, you must first be young & stupid. (I'm still working on that.)