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Could you live without the internet for one week?
#1
Baie beslis
Most definitely
Be the kind of woman, that when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil goes "oh crap, she's up".
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#2
Yep, not fun but I could if need be.
in order to be old & wise, you must first be young & stupid. (I'm still working on that.)
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#3
(15-12-2021, 03:58 PM)Lilith7 Wrote: Yep, not fun but I could if need be.
You could spend the time making some home brew. Big Grin
Be the kind of woman, that when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil goes "oh crap, she's up".
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#4
No.

Don't even suggest such a catastrophe.

Gods, it'd be like giving up wine again.
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#5
I have a feeling that you've escaped the home for the perpetually bewildered again. You seem to be in a very disagreeable mood.

I'm waiting for the explosion.

There's already been a murder today in my town, so what's a looney old lady on her scooter, being disagreeable to all and sundry, capable of.

*shakes head, nods, raises eyebroww and sighs*
Be the kind of woman, that when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil goes "oh crap, she's up".
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#6
ummm No...
The world would be a perfect place, if it wasn't for the humans.

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#7
I was very well behaved at the hospital. Only whinged a little bit, though I was tempted to give the nurse shoving my boobs around during the ECG a sharp little horse bite on the knee. I could see she was jealous of my abundance but that thumb on the sensitive bit was a bit much...
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#8
(15-12-2021, 05:51 PM)Oh_hunnihunni Wrote: I was very well behaved at the hospital. Only whinged a little bit, though I was tempted to give the nurse shoving my boobs around during the ECG a sharp little horse bite on the knee. I could see she was jealous of my abundance but that thumb on the sensitive bit was a bit much...
Oh...That reminded me of that joke about the woman having a mammogram! Big Grin
in order to be old & wise, you must first be young & stupid. (I'm still working on that.)
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#9
(15-12-2021, 05:51 PM)Oh_hunnihunni Wrote: I was very well behaved at the hospital. Only whinged a little bit, though I was tempted to give the nurse shoving my boobs around during the ECG a sharp little horse bite on the knee. I could see she was jealous of my abundance but that thumb on the sensitive bit was a bit much...
At least you weren't having a smear. Big Grin

(15-12-2021, 06:12 PM)Lilith7 Wrote:
(15-12-2021, 05:51 PM)Oh_hunnihunni Wrote: I was very well behaved at the hospital. Only whinged a little bit, though I was tempted to give the nurse shoving my boobs around during the ECG a sharp little horse bite on the knee. I could see she was jealous of my abundance but that thumb on the sensitive bit was a bit much...
Oh...That reminded me of that joke about the woman having a mammogram! Big Grin
I went looking for some mammogram jokes, and all I got on one site, was "this joke may contain profanity" lol

Big Grin
Be the kind of woman, that when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil goes "oh crap, she's up".
Reply
#10
I have a thing about being touched by strangers, even with good excuses, so the blood pressure reading afterwards was a bit high, lol...
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#11
“While conducting some business at the Courthouse, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say, “Your Honor, I’m guilty but…..there were extenuating circumstances.”

The female Judge said, sarcastically, “I’d certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances.” I did too so I listened as the lady told her story.

“Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, “Hi! I’m Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?”

I’m thinking, “Belinda, try decaf. This ain’t rocket science.”

Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, “Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?” Fine, I answered.

I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap! Complete darkness, the power was off!

Belinda said, “Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag.” Then she headed for the door.

“Excuse me! You’re not leaving me in this vise alone are you?” I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, “Oh, you fussy puppy…the door’s wide open so you’ll have the emergency hall lights. I’ll be right back.”

Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And that’s exactly how Bubba and Earl, “maintenance men Extraordinaire” found me…half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging a polite Hi, how’s it going type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, “Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway.”

“OK, you take care now” Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I’d been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, “Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?”

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps….”

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said “Case Dismissed”.
Be the kind of woman, that when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil goes "oh crap, she's up".
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#12
I could maybe live without the internet for a week (shudder) but certainly not a fibre connection as that runs my landline and my TV.
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#13
Heavens yes, I would be limited to books, knitting, housework, gardening, and attacking passers by.

Life would be miserable. Still, at least I would still have wine.
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#14
(15-12-2021, 07:11 PM)crafters_corner Wrote: “While conducting some business at the Courthouse, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say, “Your Honor, I’m guilty but…..there were extenuating circumstances.”

The female Judge said, sarcastically, “I’d certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances.” I did too so I listened as the lady told her story.

“Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, “Hi! I’m Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?”

I’m thinking, “Belinda, try decaf. This ain’t rocket science.”

Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, “Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?” Fine, I answered.

I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap! Complete darkness, the power was off!

Belinda said, “Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag.” Then she headed for the door.

“Excuse me! You’re not leaving me in this vise alone are you?” I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, “Oh, you fussy puppy…the door’s wide open so you’ll have the emergency hall lights. I’ll be right back.”

Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And that’s exactly how Bubba and Earl, “maintenance men Extraordinaire” found me…half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging a polite Hi, how’s it going type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, “Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway.”

“OK, you take care now” Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I’d been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, “Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?”

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps….”

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said “Case Dismissed”.
That's it - the very one!  Big Grin Big Grin
in order to be old & wise, you must first be young & stupid. (I'm still working on that.)
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#15
(16-12-2021, 10:43 AM)Lilith7 Wrote:
(15-12-2021, 07:11 PM)crafters_corner Wrote: “While conducting some business at the Courthouse, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say, “Your Honor, I’m guilty but…..there were extenuating circumstances.”

The female Judge said, sarcastically, “I’d certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances.” I did too so I listened as the lady told her story.

“Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, “Hi! I’m Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?”

I’m thinking, “Belinda, try decaf. This ain’t rocket science.”

Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, “Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?” Fine, I answered.

I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap! Complete darkness, the power was off!

Belinda said, “Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag.” Then she headed for the door.

“Excuse me! You’re not leaving me in this vise alone are you?” I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, “Oh, you fussy puppy…the door’s wide open so you’ll have the emergency hall lights. I’ll be right back.”

Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And that’s exactly how Bubba and Earl, “maintenance men Extraordinaire” found me…half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging a polite Hi, how’s it going type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, “Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway.”

“OK, you take care now” Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I’d been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, “Oh I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?”

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps….”

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said “Case Dismissed”.
That's it - the very one!  Big Grin Big Grin
Fark me, I can see right through you. Scary. I knew that was the one. Tongue Dodgy Confused Idea Big Grin

I was 'seeing' the scenario of this poor lady, her boobies being stuck in the clamps, and the maintenance men. Funny but not funny. Nah, it's funny aye.lol
Be the kind of woman, that when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil goes "oh crap, she's up".
Reply
#16
I'd have to go out of the house and abuse people in person...and then they'd see me for the gutless weakling I am and laugh at me. So, no I can't do without it.

I'd actually have to go to the library in person to get books. I haven't turned a page in years...well a year anyway. Love the E Library...but the real one is pretty damn good too.
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#17
(16-12-2021, 05:49 PM)Zurdo Wrote: I'd have to go out of the house and abuse people in person...and then they'd see me for the gutless weakling I am and laugh at me. So, no I can't do without it.

I'd actually have to go to the library in person to get books. I haven't turned a page in years...well a year anyway. Love the E Library...but the real one is pretty damn good too.
And proper books are good for you, too; they use a different pathway in the brain & if we just read screen text it can change the way we're able to read. Smile
in order to be old & wise, you must first be young & stupid. (I'm still working on that.)
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#18
A book is an object. A real thing. I have enough screens, I could not live happily without pages to turn.
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#19
Plus, books don't need recharging....Smile
in order to be old & wise, you must first be young & stupid. (I'm still working on that.)
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#20
Absolutely - but only if there no internet available to tempt me. I waste far too much time online. Heavens, I'd finish or even start all the books I've bought in the last couple of years! I might even leave the house for reasons other than work and grocery shopping!
Autumn comes
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