You can never have enough...

[Lilith7]

My Mum was in one down here after the earthquakes damaged her house.  My sister and her as usual worked themselves up into a tizz wazz and decided she needed to get out of Christchurch and live in a Rhimann home on the outskirts.  There was some really nice places close to a supermarket in Chch on Colombo St available, but she couldn't be persuaded to go into one of them.

Within a few months she hated where she had chosen, wind swept plains outside of Chch was one of the reasons.  She begged to come back to the trashed home but it was too late and the insurance company was playing mind games with us.  Mum had got the house ready for her older age by getting a lovely new bathroom etc installed.

The house was just too damaged and couldn't be heated properly because of all the gaps in the walls and floors, nothing was level anymore, and the place was so dusty from all the dust coming in between the ceilings and the walls.

She died in Chch hospital after numerous T.I.D.'s at the home after about 3 years of being there.  A sad end to a strong woman who was Secretary of the Euthanasia Society for the South Island and she didn't have a death with dignity which was exactly what she feared the most and it came to pass.

That's a shame; I think probably we all need to be more aware of the possibilities as we age & make as much preparation as we can. I did at one point, tell my eldest that if I ever go doolallay, he's to take me out & shoot me  - to which he agreed surprisingly swiftly!   but something more formal & preferably legal.

[popeye333]

My Mum was in one down here after the earthquakes damaged her house.  My sister and her as usual worked themselves up into a tizz wazz and decided she needed to get out of Christchurch and live in a Rhimann home on the outskirts.  There was some really nice places close to a supermarket in Chch on Colombo St available, but she couldn't be persuaded to go into one of them.

Within a few months she hated where she had chosen, wind swept plains outside of Chch was one of the reasons.  She begged to come back to the trashed home but it was too late and the insurance company was playing mind games with us.  Mum had got the house ready for her older age by getting a lovely new bathroom etc installed.

The house was just too damaged and couldn't be heated properly because of all the gaps in the walls and floors, nothing was level anymore, and the place was so dusty from all the dust coming in between the ceilings and the walls.

She died in Chch hospital after numerous T.I.D.'s at the home after about 3 years of being there.  A sad end to a strong woman who was Secretary of the Euthanasia Society for the South Island and she didn't have a death with dignity which was exactly what she feared the most and it came to pass.

That's a shame; I think probably we all need to be more aware of the possibilities as we age & make as much preparation as we can. I did at one point, tell my eldest that if I ever go doolallay, he's to take me out & shoot me  - to which he agreed surprisingly swiftly!   but something more formal & preferably legal.

My grandfather always said that. he passed in hospital. All but one of my grandparents never went into a rest home. 

Its not just the food, its the care or lack there of. Making them wait 2 hours between toilet trips when they fill them up with drinks. Then leaving the ones who have to be lifted onto the toilets to sit there and wait 30 minutes plus to be taken out. 

Leaving their call bells, drinks, tv remotes out of reach of those who cant walk. 

I dont understand them. they would rather let them fill their nappies, and then have to clean them up than to take them to the toilet. 

There is no Dignity there. 

You get treated well if you suck up to the Boss and never complain.

[kiwimade64]

morning ladies A bit grey out there but at least it's not raining yet.

MrK has decided he wants a DNR notice put on his medical files, our doctor can do that we think. I'm of the same mind. There is no point hooking me up to life support and wasting people's time and resources when there is little or no hope. As for those rest homes, they can stick that where the sun don't shine. I don't like living communally with lots of people for starters and I'm also the sort of person who would stir things up if/when I see injustices. And I refuse to sell our home for a bodycorp-money-grabbing retirement village. My sister is trying to sell her home in a bodycorp village and the fees they will take is crazy. She will come out with a loss. And the folder of rules she has for the village is just insane. To be fair, she did sign up for it. So nope, that's not for me/us. Our daughter wants me to move when MrK falls off his perch. Something to think about I suppose.

Today I'll move some of pots of spring bulbs back into the garden as they have almost finished and move a shrub I had recovering in a pot, out into the garden. I've had that soaking in worm wee and water overnight to give it a good head start. Claude Monet must be used to being moved lol as it didn't care at all it was now in a pot. So much new growth! And the small South Pacific iris' and cyclamen are beginning to flower.

According to the tracking number, the denim jacket should arrive today. I've weeded out the colour palate, purple, blue, green with a smidgen of red. The wash away worked, omggg it's a game changer that's for sure.

Happy crafting

[Roma]

Good morning. 

It's overcast and drizzling ... a big change from the last few days!

It's a hard one thinking of "the next move" ... from my observation, it's all down hill once in hospital care, though probably better if "you pay for it". Living in a unit or villa not quite so bad especially if you are of a sociable nature. Does you sister want to leave to live independently in her own home KM? I hope there are a few years yet before DNR needs to be noted on an End of Life Plan for me! 

It's looking like an inside day today with a decent amount of rain forecast. 

Enjoy the day all.

[Oh_hunnihunni]

Oh I am pleased the stuff works for you KM, I found it great fun to play with.

When I was in the unit with my pulmonary embolism there was an older woman with dementia in the next bed, she was in heart failure. She had come in from a rest home, and the docs had no instructions so as her heart played up they resuscitated her, despite her begging them to leave her alone. It was horrendous being alongside her even though I couldn't see what was going on, hearing it was bad enough. So, I am with you guys, just let it happen, don't try to stop it. I wish I had known that with my Mum, I should have made her comfortable when she had that first stroke, and gone and made a cup of tea, instead of calling the ambulance people. They saved her, she ended up in a resthome, two actually, and she and I had all those years of hell, which was no life for her and very hard on the family.

I guess if someone is afraid of their life ending, or maybe if they have others to live for then they might think differently, but for me and my small life I actually look forward to the next bit, to the next adventure. And if it turns out to be just going into the dream then that's fine too. I have always liked sleeping! It might be one of the blessings of not being mainstream faith following, I know there is no hell or heaven to fear, and certainly no bunch of virgins waiting, lol. Though why anyone would want to go there I have no idea...

Nope, give me a short sharp clean passing, you can keep the expensive long drawn out stuff for someone who wants it!

As for today, there is a row of Busy Lizzies who need their Wintered heads cut off so their Spring hearts can feel the sunlight, that ought to limber me up enough to climb the hill to retrieve the rubbish bin from the roadside. And maybe a few freesias and some of those petticoat daffs can come inside to join the fresh sprays of jasmine I nicked from the hedges on my way home yesterday from the library. It is looking like an outside day weatherwise, worth getting up for!

[popeye333]

Morning everyone

The sun is out here. Its going to be good I hope. The lawn needs attention.

MrP had a DNR but each time it came close, he changed his mind. He was so full of himself that he thought he should live forever. That might sound mean but he never thought he should die.

I've seen enough in both homes to know I would Never move into one.. and even for nothing more than how the heck would I cope not being able to bake.

We were actually talking about the fact that they could get themselves an Air cooker. Then if they wanted pizza and other goodies they miss, they could.
But that also brings the money talk. They are paying for their crap food already. And they dont get enough pin money to feed themselves.
Sometimes I think it would be fun living with others and the entertainment they have. but Now that I've had a taste of freedom I know Im happier on my own and visiting to keep my people contact.

I did my Temu order last night. Some Christmas presents and 3 diamond paintings for me. Well one is for Dianne. She has some terrific Wolfe t shirts. And I got a picture with to me a family of wolves. The parents are the biggest, one slightly smaller and then there is a smaller one calling to them. Dianne lost a son and to me the picture is them. Just have to decide if I will do it for her, or let her do it herself. I think its squares and I know she hasn't done squares yet.

Have a fab day all

[Mica]

Morning all 
Raining no wind

Interesting about DNR we recently had this discussion tricky as it depends on circumstances. All our info is on laminated sheet in our fridge so in event of emergency it can be accessed. 

Dress almost done had to stand on my head a few times to work  out  orientation  of some of the pieces. Finally tried  it on this morning after my shower and  it fits so will bind neck, armholes and sort hem .It will be wearable . Will I make one in my "good" fabric probably not as there are many other projects out there lol

Festering about next project  leaning towards making denim style jacket using dupont silk. I have 3 pieces in the stash been there a long time  depreciation means they will cost me nothing g  just need to  refit my pattern or get a new one.

Indoors day

Enjoy your day

[zqwerty]

Mum was in an expensive home (well known supplier, advertised on TV quite often) and there were a lot of problems; staff stealing money from drawers; arrogant surly staff; long treks to get food from dining room going up and down in lifts; resentment (raised eyebrows) if you asked for food to be delivered to your bedroom instead because you were not up to the trek on a particular day; they used your cutlery which had to be washed in remote kitchen and was often not returned and couldn't be traced, so lost forever; big air conditioning system for the whole building that was not set up correctly (lack of humidity) and was not allowed to be adjusted, the supervisor of the building forbade it; couldn't sit outside or on balconies because of the continuous wind; a general lack of homeliness and no feeling of belonging.

Definitely contributed to Mum's demise although she was already on a downhill slope so hard to say how much.

Mum, of course had a D.N.R. but it was ignored/not seen by the ambulance staff as they raced from the home to Chch Hospital and only read later on, it should have been accessed as soon as they looked at her notes on the computer at the home when she went unconscious in the intensive care living area she was moved to from her private living area as she had more and more frequent T.I.D.'s

We held a 24 hour vigil for the 10 days she took to expire, no food or water just some sort of drip and morphine medicine to keep her unaware. My sister came over from Australia. A very sad time for the family.

The room she was in in the hospital was an established "dying room" I'd guess with an observation window the staff walking past down the corridor would peek into every now and again, no effort to moisten her mouth with water. It was a routine operation for the hospital. They showed us Xrays of her head and it was obvious even to us casual observers that a lot of damage had occurred from the repeated T.I.A.'s, the end was inevitable, it just took so long, because Mum was quite fit still playing golf and had always looked after herself; and because of course, no euthanasia permitted even though there was no doubt of the final outcome.

Mum was 93 I think, and I had looked after and assisted her at her house where she lived for the 10 years after Dad died at 83, they lived in that house for more than 45 years after we arrived from Zambia/Northern Rhodesia in 1973. They established a most beautiful garden which was their main hobby after they stopped work.

So she lived to a ripe old age and had a long and eventful life including the earth quakes in Christchurch just to liven up the last part. They had the 2nd world War in their early 20's, she was in the W.A.A.F. and Dad was in the Reconnaissance Corps, he returned to Dunkirk under orders just days after the major evacuation to check on who knows what????

This experience changed my outlook on life forever.

[kiwimade64]

My sister-in-law who is a retired nurse told us when you sign a DNR a big red page with the DNR instructions (they can vary) should be front and center of the first page of your file. In your face type of stuff. But she said often doctors were reluctant to let people die. Which is nuts! A bit like family being able to over-ride your body organ donations if they choose to.

Lilith, my sister is younger than me and still working but bought the unit as her health isn't the greatest. She wants to move to be closer to her son. For various family reasons, it's easier for her to move than them.

[Jan]

Popeye have you contacted the commissioner - it is all anonymous- if my mother called me when she was stuck on the toilet she would be out of there so quickly her feet wouldn’t touch the floor .
https://www.beehive.govt.nz/release/firs...-appointed
One thing is for sure I won’t be going into one - would rather head off into the wide blue yonder - have told my granddaughters I want incense and poetry being read and purple curtains floating in the breeze - they laugh!

[Oh_hunnihunni]

When I signed up for my St Johns medical alarm I asked about dnr arrangements, and was told to first talk to my doc and then put instructions in a capped jar in the fridge - must be a universal safe place, lol. Doctors are trained to save lives not end them, and most cannot overcome that indoctrination. The older they get though, the more mature their thinking in my experience, I guess they've seen more nasty endings. That 'natural death' no intervention thing some hospitals do is just plain cruel. Starvation is not kind neither is death by dehydration. Especially considering a little extra morphine solves the problem, and lets them get the bed free for the next poor bugger...

I hope my dark sense of humour is forgiven.

I like the idea of purple curtains. Mind you, I do have a small thing about hot pink...

[Lilith7]

When I signed up for my St Johns medical alarm I asked about dnr arrangements, and was told to first talk to my doc and then put instructions in a capped jar in the fridge - must be a universal safe place, lol. Doctors are trained to save lives not end them, and most cannot overcome that indoctrination. The older they get though, the more mature their thinking in my experience, I guess they've seen more nasty endings. That 'natural death' no intervention thing some hospitals do is just plain cruel. Starvation is not kind neither is death by dehydration. Especially considering a little extra morphine solves the problem, and lets them get the bed free for the next poor bugger...

I hope my dark sense of humour is forgiven.

I like the idea of purple curtains. Mind you, I do have a small thing about hot pink...

I'm also looking forward to the next bit after death; I'll either know considerably more, or know nothing at all.

There are still some Drs I've heard of who do give a patient near their end a little bit extra of morphine or similar, to help speed their end so as to avoid that cruelty, & nothing is ever said about it.

Yes Hunni - purple curtains sound excellent! Probably on account of it being my favouirte colour.

---

My sister-in-law who is a retired nurse told us when you sign a DNR a big red page with the DNR instructions (they can vary) should be front and center of the first page of your file.  In your face type of stuff.  But she said often doctors were reluctant to let people die.  Which is nuts!  A bit like family being able to over-ride your body organ donations if they choose to.

Lilith, my sister is younger than me and still working but bought the unit as her health isn't the greatest.  She wants to move to be closer to her son.  For various family reasons, it's easier for her to move than them.

That makes good sense, KM. Do it now while she can. I have friends up north who have just had a new roof done as they know the time is coming when they're going tp have to stop working & they're both dead set against going into a retitement village.

My kids have been told that if they don't abide by my wishes I intend to come back & haunt them.

---

Mum was in an expensive home (well known supplier, advertised on TV quite often) and there were a lot of problems; staff stealing money from drawers; arrogant surly staff; long treks to get food from dining room going up and down in lifts; resentment (raised eyebrows) if you asked for food to be delivered to your bedroom instead because you were not up to the trek on a particular day; they used your cutlery which had to be washed in remote kitchen and was often not returned and couldn't be traced, so lost forever; big air conditioning system for the whole building that was not set up correctly (lack of humidity) and was not allowed to be adjusted, the supervisor of the building forbade it; couldn't sit outside or on balconies because of the continuous wind; a general lack of homeliness and no feeling of belonging.

Definitely contributed to Mum's demise although she was already on a downhill slope so hard to say how much.

Mum, of course had a D.N.R. but it was ignored/not seen by the ambulance staff as they raced from the home to Chch Hospital and only read later on, it should have been accessed as soon as they looked at her notes on the computer at the home when she went unconscious in the intensive care living area she was moved to from her private living area as she had more and more frequent T.I.D.'s

We held a 24 hour vigil for the 10 days she took to expire, no food or water just some sort of drip and morphine medicine to keep her unaware.  My sister came over from Australia.  A very sad time for the family.

The room she was in in the hospital was an established "dying room" I'd guess with an observation window the staff walking past down the corridor would peek into every now and again, no effort to moisten her mouth with water.  It was a routine operation for the hospital.  They showed us Xrays of her head and it was obvious even to us casual observers that a lot of damage had occurred from the repeated T.I.A.'s, the end was inevitable, it just took so long, because Mum was quite fit still playing golf and had always looked after herself; and because of course, no euthanasia permitted even though there was no doubt of the final outcome.

Mum was 93 I think, and I had looked after and assisted her at her house where she lived for the 10 years after Dad died at 83, they lived in that house for more than 45 years after we arrived from Zambia/Northern Rhodesia in 1973.  They established a most beautiful garden which was their main hobby after they stopped work.

So she lived to a ripe old age and had a long and eventful life including the earth quakes in Christchurch just to liven up the last part.  They had the 2nd world War in their early 20's, she was in the W.A.A.F. and Dad was in the Reconnaissance Corps, he returned to Dunkirk under orders just days after the major evacuation to check on who knows what????

This experience changed my outlook on life forever.

That really shouldn't happen to anyone, should it. Time hospitals got better at the end of life.

Oddly enough my Mum was also a WAAF in WW2.

[Jan]

My Mum had her gallbladder removed at 99 - the poor young registrar received a real earful when he presumed out loud that she would want no resuscitation - she was still living at home and was as fit as a fiddle .When they took a look inside they came to the conclusion she had the vital organs of a 60 year old - all those years of veggies long before it became fashionable and her penchant for walking home while we all returned home by car when I was a kid certainly paid off - if only I had inherited her self control .She recovered in no time from the op - when she turned 100 she shocked us all she had organised to go into the Masonic lodge rest home - she had outlived all her card playing friends and had decided she would enjoy the socialisation - no way would she come and live with any of us .She absolutely loved it - Robie provided her with a little fridge and used to take her all sorts of titbits - one of us visited every day .She tripped on a mat and broke her leg at 102 - they said there were two options operate and pin it or bed rest - no hesitation she had the op and was up and about in no time - one day not long after the op we were called to a meeting with DHB and ACC and a couple of other professionals to discuss her future care - we were all in her room her bed was empty - the manager of the home was smiling - next thing down the hall comes Mum whizzing along self wheeling her wheelchair- she apologised for being late - hopped up on the bed unaided - it was hilarious .Unfortunately her rest home was hit with Covid after the cruise ship was allowed to dock here with covid on board and one of the cooks had a secondary job as a tour guide - she had no idea the ship had covid - the powers that be knew .She died alone - heartbreaking

[popeye333]

One of the last times MrP was in hospital his DNR came up. but they asked did he still want that and he said no.

They say there is no Euthanasia in NZ. But there is. My Sister Step father and Mother all died from larger doses of morphine to keep the pain under control and no food or fluids.

Being on my own I feel a good sense of freedom. No one will have to make any decisions about me. And Im grateful for that. my twin might miss me if he is still alive, and friends might too. But they know my feelings and that I will do as I say too.

Got the front done, its dark out there , Oh its raining

[Lilith7]

My Mum had her gallbladder removed at 99 - the poor young registrar received a real earful when he presumed out loud that she would want no resuscitation - she was still living at home and was as fit as a fiddle .When they took a look inside they came to the conclusion she had the vital organs of a 60 year old - all those years of veggies long before it became fashionable and her penchant for walking home while we all returned home by car when I was a kid certainly paid off - if only I had inherited her self control .She recovered in no time from the op - when she turned 100 she shocked us all she had organised to go into the Masonic lodge rest home - she had outlived all her card playing friends and had decided she would enjoy the socialisation - no way would she come and live with any of us .She absolutely loved it - Robie provided her with a little fridge and used to take her all sorts of titbits - one of us visited every day .She tripped on a mat and broke her leg at 102 - they said there were two options operate and pin it or bed rest - no hesitation she had the op and was up and about in no time - one day not long after the op we were called to a meeting with DHB and ACC and a couple of other professionals to discuss her future care - we were all in her room her bed was empty - the manager of the home was smiling - next thing down the hall comes Mum whizzing along self wheeling her wheelchair- she apologised for being late - hopped up on the bed unaided - it was hilarious .Unfortunately her rest home was hit with Covid after the cruise ship was allowed to dock here with covid on board and one of the cooks had a secondary job as a tour guide - she had no idea the ship had covid - the powers that be knew .She died alone - heartbreaking

Your Mum sounds like quite a character Jan.

[zqwerty]

Heartbreaking alright Jan especially knowing that the moonlighting in old peoples homes and working at the Hospitals, or vice-versa is still going on to this day.

[kiwimade64]

Getting dark here as well, the rain must be close. lol, yep, it's close, it's raining now. Am glad I have those outdoorsy jobs done.

We suspect MrK's mum was also given a bit more morphine to help her with her final journey. She had had a massive stroke

[Oh_hunnihunni]

I wish someone had done that for my Mum.

Apples and trees, eh Jan?

I got the laundry done, the weeding sorted and put up the sun umbrella to blow the loose fibres out of the Indian cotton knotted fringe I spent Sunday hand sewing around the black cover. It looks suitably frilly, lol. Funny thing, I bought it on TM, listed as 25 metres for some very silly price, the shipping was $22... Then this huge carton arrived and inside there were two rolls of the fringing, I suspect each of at least 25m.

So if anyone wants some, let me know!

I haven't decided yet whether I will leave it creamy coloured, or dip it in a pot of Rit dye. Either way it is fun...

[Jan]

My Mum had her gallbladder removed at 99 - the poor young registrar received a real earful when he presumed out loud that she would want no resuscitation - she was still living at home and was as fit as a fiddle .When they took a look inside they came to the conclusion she had the vital organs of a 60 year old - all those years of veggies long before it became fashionable and her penchant for walking home while we all returned home by car when I was a kid certainly paid off - if only I had inherited her self control .She recovered in no time from the op - when she turned 100 she shocked us all she had organised to go into the Masonic lodge rest home - she had outlived all her card playing friends and had decided she would enjoy the socialisation - no way would she come and live with any of us .She absolutely loved it - Robie provided her with a little fridge and used to take her all sorts of titbits - one of us visited every day .She tripped on a mat and broke her leg at 102 - they said there were two options operate and pin it or bed rest - no hesitation she had the op and was up and about in no time - one day not long after the op we were called to a meeting with DHB and ACC and a couple of other professionals to discuss her future care - we were all in her room her bed was empty - the manager of the home was smiling - next thing down the hall comes Mum whizzing along self wheeling her wheelchair- she apologised for being late - hopped up on the bed unaided - it was hilarious .Unfortunately her rest home was hit with Covid after the cruise ship was allowed to dock here with covid on board and one of the cooks had a secondary job as a tour guide - she had no idea the ship had covid - the powers that be knew .She died alone - heartbreaking

Your Mum sounds like quite a character Jan.

She was hilarious - tiny little lady - will never forget her whizzing in for her meeting with the clip board brigade - after they told her about the health of her organs she had decided to give her body to science - she could still lift her leg like a can can dancer- her crochet and knitting projects were amazing - we used to play up so she would tell us wait until your father gets home and disappear into her room and knit or embroider -  can see now why she did it - she would love your work Kiwimade .She was untrained but could sing opera -won NZ Wool award with a long coat mini skirt and coat out of her home spun wool - the outfit was given to Twiggie .My father absolutely adored her - she could be a right cow especially when she disappeared into her room - he would come home after driving the Napier Taupo road for 14 hours and have to feed us kids - we knew better than to moan about her - she was born on the ship coming from England her fathers family sent him to NZ with a wife and 4 kids and one on the way with a pile of posh furniture and told not to come back - he was a little wiry red head who drank himself into an early grave otherwise he probably would have hit 100 -

[Jan]

Heartbreaking alright Jan especially knowing that the moonlighting in old peoples homes and working at the Hospitals, or vice-versa is still going on to this day.

It was very early in the piece before overseas arrivals were being quarantined - if we had known the Ruby Princess had been here -with people already testing positive when the ship was in Wgtn -we would have got Mum out of the home - but it wasn’t until we had 23 deaths that we were told - when they held the enquiry into the Ruby Princess in Sydney footage was shown of the passengers at Napier cafes and shops even in school buses that were used later that day to pick up kids - Dr Gloom allowed the ship to dock at Napier but stopped it going to Tauranga so they dodged a bullet .Shortly after that despite government reluctance new arrivals were quarantined -